An interview between Lior Harel, parenting counselor & Dragomira Pavlova, from the Adler Bulgaria Institute
Q1: Tell us what attracted you most to the individual psychology and methods of Adler?
A: There are many fundamental principles in Adler's approach that I find fascinating and highly relevant to understanding human beings & relationships.
What attracted me the most is understanding the unique qualities of each person and their subjective experiences. Adler's approach explores the social context of individuals, their pursuit of significance, and how their early experiences shape their behavior. It's like diving into a colorful kaleidoscope of human complexities and unraveling the stories that make us who we are.
Q2: How did this help you in your daily life as a parent?
A: Applying Adlerian principles in my role as a parent with my three boys has been transformative for me. It's like discovering a parenting hack for a deeper understanding of my children's behavior, their need for belonging, and their significance.
With this knowledge I've grown a more respectful and harmonious relationship with my children, creating an atmosphere of collaboration and understanding.
Q3: This autumn Adler Institute Bulgaria organizes the first training in Parents groups based on the individual psychology approach, and you will be leading the groups. Tell us about the main benefits for parents of this training?
First of all, I'm thrilled to join you on this exciting journey! The Parent's group training offers a treasure box of benefits for parents:
- Participants will gain invaluable insights into their own parenting styles, - learn effective communication techniques, - enhance their problem-solving skills, - and acquire tools to build stronger connections with their children.
Additionally, the training provides a supportive community, allowing parents to share experiences, learn from one another, and create new friendships.
Q4: What is exactly “Parents group”? What do the parents do in this group?
A Parents group is a gathering of parents, facilitated by me, who come together to explore various aspects of parenting using the principles of individual psychology. In these groups, parents engage in: discussions, exercises and activities that promote self-reflection, skill development, and mutual support.
Parts of the meeting will include some theory and tools, while other parts of the sessions will be dedicated to providing the parents with time to share their challenges and help each other come up with possible solutions.
Each session also has an accompanying workshop page to help apply the learned material at home in between meetings.
Q5: What makes it so popular in Israel and other countries?
A: Parents groups have gained popularity not only in Israel but also in various countries worldwide. It's like the secret recipe for a parenting revolution! Adlerian principles fit with parents seeking nurturing and non-punitive approaches to raising their children.
The emphasis on empathy, mutual respect, and cooperation is relatable, inspiring parents to build positive parent-child relationships.
Additionally, I believe that there is an overwhelming abundance of parenting advice on the internet, or at home and with our friends, with conflicting "do's and don'ts" that can leave parents feeling confused. Sometimes, they can lose touch with their own intuition. They try this and that, but nothing seems to work.
Nevertheless, again, there is a deep desire to cultivate collaboration and establish positive relationships with their children.
Q6: What is the most valuable thing they will be able to apply in their daily lives, after participating in the Parents group training?
A: The most valuable thing parents will be able to apply in their daily lives after participating in a Parent's group is a deeper understanding of their children's behavior.
They will gain effective strategies for addressing challenges and creating a supportive and encouraging home environment.
They will gain a toolbox to address their needs and achieve their family agenda. It's a game-changer for creating happier, more fulfilling family dynamics.
Q7: Often in everyday life, we as parents face difficulties such as: children's tantrums when they do not get what they want and poor discipline. Is it possible that we can cope with this?
A: Absolutely! Coping with everyday parenting challenges like tantrums and discipline dilemmas is possible.
With the Adlerian approach, parents gain insights into the underlying reasons behind such behaviors.
They learn how to teach children alternative ways of expressing themselves and create an environment that encourages cooperation and mutual respect.
Behavioral theories state that each behavior is a choice, and that choice can always be changed.
Q8: Where or what should we change as parents of one, two or more children in our daily lives in which we are exhausted and do not find time for ourselves? Is it difficult to find a way of coping with everything?
A: In my opinion, one of the biggest changes as parents is about switching to a strategic mindset, in which we think about the long-term results of our behavior and how it affects our children.
This can completely change the environment at home.
One of the most efficient ways to create a peaceful home is allowing our children to feel helpful, and instill a strong sense of belonging.
They can help us do things around the house (depending on their age, of course). We can start by asking them to help us just by giving us a few minutes to drink our coffee, and encourage them when they do so.
A child that feels helpful, and has a significant role in the house, will feel a strong sense of belonging – and this literally frees up more time for us, the parents to cope with everything.
Q9: One of the most discussed questions between parents is how much time the child spends in front of the screen of the phone and TV. What is your recommendation on the subject?
A: My recommendations are these:
establish clear and consistent limits, based on your child's age and developmental needs.
Strike a balance by encouraging outdoor activities, fostering social interactions, and engaging in shared family experiences.
Lead by example, demonstrating healthy screen habits,
and engage in open discussions about the pros and cons of technology. I would focus on the positive benefits of other activities (like sports, social events, etc.), rather than the negative aspects of screen time.
You can conduct a family discussion about how many hours per week the children can spend in front of the screen. Make sure to be detailed about what screens (phones, tablets, TVs…), and what kind of content they can watch.
Finally, you can literally sign a written agreement, which can be hung on the refrigerator for all to see and remember.
This will help you make sure everything's according to plan.
Q10: It often happens that parents have a different opinion about the upbringing and educating of children. What should they do and how does this affect the child?
A: The clash of parental opinions on upbringing and education can sometimes feel like a struggle.
However, there are ways to navigate this issue.
The key is to find common ground and purpose through respectful communication and compromise.
All tools for communicating with your kid in the workshop are applicable to every human being😊
Engage in open discussions, genuinely consider each other's viewpoints, **Subjectivity
Strive for a balanced approach that takes into account the child's best interests.
Consistency and collaboration are key to effective parenting. Keep in mind to minimize the disputes between the parents in front of the children. Have these conversations preferably amongst the two of you, in calm and comfortable settings.
Q11: Would you like to share something with our parents before we tell them good bye?
A: Before we part ways, I want to remind parents that parenting is a journey filled with challenges and growth.
Embrace the opportunity to continually learn and adapt your approach.
Be patient and compassionate with yourselves and your children.
And remember, that the most difficult times (tantrums, anxiety, etc.) offer the best opportunity to strengthen the relationship, and instill a deep feeling of being loved.
Building a strong connection and nurturing a supportive environment is foundational to raising happy and resilient individuals.