If you are a parent, you have probably experienced once or twice your kid having a tantrum. They scream, insist on their way, throw themselves on the floor, and even hit here and there, loudly ignoring you... It can be challenging, exhausting, and embarrassing for us the parents, more importantly for our kids. So, what do we do about it? How do we redirect this behavior into something that allows us to leave the house without worrying about the next outburst?
Here are some tips for action and mindset as a starting point:
We are the middle ground and stability for our children.
So, first and foremost, we need to breathe.
To calm down, gather ourselves. That means not losing control, not getting frustrated, not panicking. We got this! Breathe to gather strength and convey stability and security to your child. Because if your child sees that you can't handle their difficulty and outburst, how will they learn to handle it themselves? And don't worry, they will definitely get to it, and learn to handle themselves along the way, largely thanks to your personal example.
It's okay to feel everything! Every emotion is legitimate (but not every behavior).
Therefore, the next thing we want to do for our children is to allow them to feel, not "block it" with more treats, reading more books, more screen time, and so on. Remember that your child experiences a variety of emotions, and even those that are not "photogenic" are all very important and deserve space. Try offering your child emotions so they can learn to acknowledge them. For example: "It seems like you're disappointed," "Does that make you angry?"
Don't expect an explanation or response, but your child is definitely listening.
An anger outburst is an opportunity for practice and growth. Learning and education are never done in real-time!
Wait for the morning after, might be the pick-up from daycare or preschool or any other time when your child is not too tired, not too hungry, not overwhelmed, and is available and attentive. Both of you are.
According to their age and abilities, talk to your child, and acknowledge the strength they showed during the outburst (for example, "It was really hard for you when the chocolate ran out, but you found the strength to overcome it/understood that we can go together to the store tomorrow to buy more," "You were really sad when she took your toy, and even though you were very angry, you didn't hit/you found another solution!").
Emphasize brief, relevant, and encouraging communication. Strengthen their achievements.
Remember that your child is currently learning and developing their trust and beliefs about the world and "how things should be". Be there to support them, and set boundaries with clarity and kindness, without getting into power struggles.
How do we do it and more? You are invited to join my upcoming English workshop: Parenting with joy, the Adlerian way! in September 2023, so you can not only prevent the next event but also leverage a past event for empowerment, strengthening relationships, and remarkable personal growth.
Link for details and registration under "Contact Us."